so this is what it is supposed to be like.

tonight we sang this song and the words really struck me...

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me Your love
Through the judgment You received
And You've won my heart Yes You've won my heart
Now I can Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross
At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death You bore for me
I'm laying every burden down I'm laying every burden down

firsts...

i have had lots of firsts this week...

first time driving a stick shift car in a city with stop lights, and lots of them for that matter. i only stalled twice, not bad!

first cup of coffee. okay, i didn't drink the whole cup, but i drank parts of three different kinds of coffee.

first time for being stuffed in a duluth bag and carried around the house.

first time carving a pumpkin

i love firsts, they are always so much more enjoyable.

except for maybe first days of work. today was my first day of work at my new job and i just hate that feeling of not know people, and getting tons of directions and not really undestanding anything, and looking around knowing that there are things you should be doing, but not sure what to do. that's one first, i'm not a big fan of.

making the most of it.

as fall comes fully in, everything around changes colors and then dies. my life on the other hands seems to be just beginning in so many ways.
i finally feel like i am confident of my purpose in being here, right now.
i am here to get to know my Lord and to spend time with my family. that's it.
as soon as i was willing to say that that is why i am here and to offer all others parts of my life (jobs, friends, place to live, etc) to the Lord, He has blessed me tremendously.
my time with the Lord has been sweet.
time with my family has been fun.
i have made some great friends through the camp i've been working at and have so enjoyed getting to know them lately.
i got offered a job at a gear shop that will last until february and starts as soon as my camp jobs end. how perfect is that.
i just want to make the most of my time here.
part of that is enjoying the last of the beautiful weather and chances to be outside having adventures.
this last week included a hike around the lake, lots of disc golfing, star gazing, and even a late night canoe ride around the lake. so fun. these are some of my favorite memories since i have been home.
thanks God for your beauty, for new friendships, for time with family, and for new beginnings or at least new perspectives on life.

frustration or a blessing?

sometimes i find myself getting really frustrated that i never got to see Jesus as a human being, i never got to follow Him around and talk to Him face to face with all of my problems and questions. i was always thankful for the Spirit, but honestly i was a little perturbed that we didnt' get a physical version of God to spend time with...
... and then it hit me. if I were to ever be able to spend time with the physical nature of God, namely Jesus, i probably wouldn't get the time with Him that i wanted. i'm not the only person who would want to spend time with Him i am sure! and as a physical human being, he'd be limited in the same way we are. i probably would be even more frustrated that i only got to talk to Him for 20 seconds today7, and i didn't even get to tell Him my long laundry list of questions i need answered now! i don't want to fight over my Jesus' time. i want to have Him when i want Him. well, that's what we get with the Holy Spirit! the very being of God with us... all the time! no, He might not be a physical being, but He is even better than a physical being because we get to keep Him with us at all times! how cool is that! God is way smarter than i am :-) and i like it that way.

the house i will build

lately i have been having this vision for a house that i want to build. this is weird first of all to have a vision of a house for me, secondly, its weird because why would i want to build a house, and where would i build this house? there really isn't anywhere i'd call home enough to build a house. but there are also very few visions that i have that don't end up happening. so whether it happens or not... here's what my house would be like.

simple to say the least.
a single square, made of stone... pretty stone.
basically a one room with the exception of a small bathroom and a walkin closet.
large windows on the east and west side... like the whole wall would basically be a window.
you'd enter from the east side and to your right would be a sitting area with a fouton that would magically become my bed at night.
to the left as you enter would be a stone fireplace and some comfy chairs for reading and drinking hot tea.
in the back left would be an L shaped counter with the kitchen behind it and stools along one side of the L for a place to sit and eat.
to the right of the back would be the small bathroom and the walkin closet where i could keep all my crap when friends come over.
that's it.
pretty simple.
but for some reason i really want to build it! i don't know how to build anything! but i want it :-)

maybe this vision is more of a metaphor than an actual house. hmmmm. i'll have to ponder that as i fall asleep.

i think the newness and excitment of my new situation is definitely wearing off. life is still good, just not overwhelmingly good. okay, sometimes it just plugs along with no emtion at all.

i feel like i am in a very contemplative mood... really enjoying reading a lot lately... and fudgesicles.